Mike Sidekick
The Rules of Effective Opening Comments For Meeting Women
Of course, real life isn’t always as easy as reading about something in a book. In a situation where you can’t seem to catch an eye at all for instance, then you’re likely dealing with a deliberate “resistor” and there probably isn’t a play to be had. Unless of course… you want to do something reasonably aggressive by attempting to force yourself into a chick’s field of view: like changing seats to get closer to her in class or at a cafe, making some kind of noise or distraction to attract her attention your way, etc. The idea is to do something to get on her visual radar and then watch for any possible sign of interest by seeing if you can pull some kind of fleeting eye contact… and then running with it immediately!
When you DO catch an eye, always expect that she’ll look away from you FAST. But don’t let this deter you because this is completely normal and to be expected. The quick “look-away” is a common shyness-reflex that most people have – both men and women. So never let this stop you, it means nothing! You simply need to ignore this social twitch and seize upon the fleeting possibility of contact very quickly. Immediately say “hi” to her with no lag-time whatsoever… because you can be sure this instant-of-opportunity will be gone quickly!
Keep your approach friendly and innocent in the sense of not making it seem like you’re going at her with some big deal ‘hit’. This is too much for most women to process and they will tend to turtle-up on you (but not always — again, they’re as different as snowflakes!). You’re just looking to get the typical stranger-to-stranger friendly reaction. Strangers will only lock eyes and stare at each other passionately in romance movies, in real life this rarely ever happens. So you will never get anywhere waiting around for super eye-lock!
The good news is that you don’t have to wait around foranything - just learn how to seize upon these typical sort of everyday little signals you get here and there, and gently play them up whenever feasible.
Remember that your interest in a woman and any subsequent flirting that you may attempt to create with her is a GIFT that you are presenting to an attractive stranger. Never look upon your efforts to reach out as some kind of unwanted intrusion into her precious privacy or that you’re bothering her. This can only occur if she has clearly displayed her non-interest and you continue to escalate to the point of annoyance (generally because you’re pissed off or feeling humiliated). Having said that however, even pressure tactics can work sometimes if you are bold enough to try them. Remember that this game can be played at ANY level that you choose to, safe or risky.
Here’s a few general guidelines to keep in mind when it comes to opening social comments. They should be:
Unrehearsed. Something that just popped into your head at that moment is always best because it’s spontaneous. Appearing a little nervous is okay too. Preferred actually — since it makes it seem as if you’re attempting to do something that you wouldn’t ordinarily have the stones to try. This makes her feel special, and makes you look brave. This is good!
Casual. Make it seem like you just bumped into an old friend that you haven’t seen in quite some time without being too deliberately corny about it. This will keep you calm and your calmness will affect her in a similar way. Remember that you must model the behaviors that you wish to see reflected back to you.
Sincere. Assuming a challenging posture (the infamous “neg hit”) with a perfect stranger can be risky. By zapping her with a put-down style, semi-rude remark supposedly done as a “joke” right out of the box you’re just daring a chick to blow you off. At this point she has absolutely no investment in your feelings, so there’s no motive for her to be nice to you. This is the setup for those legendary rejections that will haunt you to the grave.
So unless she’s just dripping with a pissy attitude that needs correcting, I would avoid this as an opening tactic (although it might work better later on in the relationship as a way to keep an edge on things…) Proceed with caution otherwise.
Upbeat. If you mumble out your words out like some nursing home gum-jockey, what’s she supposed to do… offer to change your friggin diaper? No salesman would dare deliver a muttering, uncertain sales pitch because he’s basically telling you that his product sucks. Always remember who the product is here…you! So keep your delivery light and bright.
Non-offensive sexually. This is a big one. Insecure guys like to make sexually bold opening remarks to paint themselves as sexually experienced because they’re afraid their near-virgin status will otherwise show through. It speaks just the opposite about you though: dudes who are really getting laid never feel like they have to broadcast it to women. They just carry it around with them as a silent vibe in the gleam of their eyes. If you insist on being so foolish you may as well just stay home and watch Deep Space 9 re-runs until you disappear into a wormhole
If you keep these general rules in mind you should at the very least be able to capture a woman’s interest for a minute or two – and who knows where that can lead? Ask anyone how their first meeting with their eventual wife or husband went down and they’ll likely tell you that it was nothing special. So there’s no need to be putting a lot of pressure on yourself to perform some dynamic and amazing trick in order to make a memorable first impression. Most people just wing their way along socially and somehow get by. Don’t overthink everything.
Another important thing is to stay on the field of combat and resist withdrawing into yourself. Seize any and all possible social opportunities that come your way by learning to say “yes” to an invitation for just about anything - any chance to go out with your buddies, to pull a study date with some fat chick that you might have no interest in (because duh, she might have a hot roommate…). Just say YES to everything and do it even if you think the event will suck… because fate and random chance often work in bizarre ways.
It’s all about mixing and networking, and you can’t accomplish that alone in your room!
Myself, I’ve always felt that the best place to meet women is anywhere and everywhere that they might least expect it. That’s where all my best chances seem to have occurred over the years. Bars and nightclubs (and to a lesser extent, gyms) are all a tough sell for a guy like me who is not the typical intimidating male specimen of athletic prowess. Bitch shields are also up in places like nightclubs — where men routinely take their boldest shots at women. It’s easier to make a cool first impression when you can catch her a little bit off guard at Starbucks rather than immersed in the loud action at Au Bar. You also aren’t usually standing next to some Adonis looking like his comical sidekick. Even having these guys anywhere near you can be enough to screw up your confidence!
Bottom line: just learn to become more aware of what’s going on around you in terms of potential chances to make simple, casual contact with women. If you’re just starting out and still scared shitless by all this, remember that you don’t have to actually DO anything about these opportunities YET — just jot down what you observed… (time, date, place, girl, situation) on a yellow pad when you get home later and keep track of these events. Then review your “flirting logs” a week or two later and I’ll bet you’ll be surprised at just how many possible opportunities to work a casual flirt that you might be absent-mindedly waltzing right on by every day. In a week there could be as many as 8-15 good chances depending on how many people zip past you every day, and how big a city you live in.
This exercise is excellent for building your awareness of the possibilities that routinely exist around you, getting you to see those things that you may’ve been blind to. Look, even harmlessly flirting with 8 girls a week puts you up around 100 flirts in 3 months! So what were you planning to do in the next 3 months that was destined to change your social life anyway? This simple exercise will not only sharpen your social antennae, but will begin to desensitize you to all the various fear factors involved.
Meeting women doesn’t have to be a colossal task as long as you take things casually, and learn to regard your gift of flirting as a normal everyday part of life — rather than a life-or-death moon mission!
Mike Pilinski is the author of 2 classic e-books in the men’s dating market… his highly-acclaimed original, “Without Embarrassment” and his follow-up: “She’s Yours For The Taking”. Each of these 250 page books, newly upgraded and revised for 2010, are a masterful education for all guys in the fine art of meeting, dating and seducing women. Both books have also just recently come out in print as well — details can be found on the author’s website.
And now Mike’s books are packaged along with his two MP3 audio programs: ‘Dealing With Your Fear of Rejection’, and ‘Having Kick A** Confidence’… Visit Mike Pilinski’s website athttp://www.HighStatusMale.com and be sure to visit his brand new blog while you’re there… The High Status Male. (Over 120 fascinating Q&A posts between Mike and his readers… and counting!)
About the Author
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